If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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