HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
