Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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