I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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