and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
