If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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