I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
