Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
