i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
