I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
