ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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