when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
