They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
