hotel room ftw
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
