I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
