one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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