Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
