the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
