hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
