i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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