I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I wish I only lived at night.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
