two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
