highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
