I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
