my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
