Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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