I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
