So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
