I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
