I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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