New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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