i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
