I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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