Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
