oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Rumble strips road head = magical
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
