U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
