We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
