...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
