I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
