If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
