i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
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I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
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Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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