I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
