my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
