I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
my shit smells like andre
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Randomize
