Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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