Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Randomize
