Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
