you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
