Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
