And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
