she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
