i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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