Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
