I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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