Non-Jews are for practice
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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