it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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