the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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