He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
