I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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