If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
being pregnant is like rehab
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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