cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
