so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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