I cockslap morals
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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