he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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