i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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