He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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