First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
