well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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