i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
