There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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