this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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