What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
My feet surprised me
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
