what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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