You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.