Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
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I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
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Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.