dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I love you.
Bad choice
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