Texts From Last Night

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  (415): View more from California

  Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um

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  (415): Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um http://tfl.nu/bp62
  Replies (8) Good night (580) Bad night (1540)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  OMG. What did u say?

  (817): View more from Texas

  I told her I did too.

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  (817): She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs. (1-817): OMG. What did u say? (817): I told her I did too. http://tfl.nu/dz5w
  Replies (11) Good night (1228) Bad night (580)
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  (347): View more from New York

  i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties

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  (347): i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties http://tfl.nu/y66a
  Replies (16) Good night (1030) Bad night (510)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I wish life had little blips of pornography

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  (778): I wish life had little blips of pornography http://tfl.nu/kuwx
  Replies (27) Good night (4023) Bad night (1223)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"

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  (630): Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind" http://tfl.nu/dke2
  Replies (17) Good night (4972) Bad night (1019)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them

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  (937): how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them http://tfl.nu/5e8u
  Replies (4) Good night (653) Bad night (2918)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.

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  (412): Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country. http://tfl.nu/04vq
  Replies (18) Good night (5786) Bad night (876)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.

  (1-313): View more from Michigan

  Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.

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  (313): I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges. (1-313): Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss. http://tfl.nu/0qrk
  Replies (4) Good night (3290) Bad night (763)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?

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  (804): No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail? http://tfl.nu/kg64
  Replies (5) Good night (1301) Bad night (741)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.

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  (602): Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk. http://tfl.nu/8anb
  Replies (11) Good night (2961) Bad night (737)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.

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  (512): Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently. http://tfl.nu/nwru
  Replies (3) Good night (847) Bad night (628)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams

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  (703): I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams http://tfl.nu/mq8g
  Replies (8) Good night (891) Bad night (555)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.

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  (+44): First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve. http://tfl.nu/g7kr
  Replies (2) Good night (454) Bad night (1076)
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced

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  (915): The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced http://tfl.nu/afn4
  Replies (5) Good night (1233) Bad night (328)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.

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  (305): I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up. http://tfl.nu/mcl9
  Replies (5) Good night (830) Bad night (391)

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