the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
