I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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