So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
