all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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