Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
